darkness – 20-1 Writers

It’s Time to Face My Reality

shazas179 Personal Response, shaza, Writing October 25, 2023October 25, 2023darkness, guilt, reality 8 Comments

Darkness. That was the first thing to hit my system. It was like I was being transported to a whole different realm. A realm with an eerie presence and a sole purpose of isolation. Where my brutal reality served as the foundation for civilization and my depraved nightmares were the actuality. It was a place where I could not escape from my actions, and facing them was necessary, especially if there was any chance to move on in life.

I fought against the external force. I tried and tried until I no longer could, for it was too strong. I could feel its motives enveloping every part of my body, and the harder I resisted, the more diligent it got when trying to take over me. I ultimately gave up, and for the slightest moment, a sense of peace was bestowed upon me, but with that, my past was also brought to light. Tears streamed down my face. I remembered everything. Every painful memory I hid away, was brought back, as vivid as ever. Sorrow filled the air around me and I wished that the feeling would soon depart, however, every tiny detail from that horrible moment was dragged back to life and placed in front of me. I was forced to face my past. And there it was, illuminated with a bright spotlight; the girl that changed everything.

For a large portion of my life, I had lived in a small, lively town, where everyone was constantly getting to know each other. Each day I would see kids scurry over to their friends and discuss a multitude of topics. I always craved a friendship like that, however pursuing such a thing involved communication, something I lacked. Every time I would try to approach someone as an attempt to make friends, there was a certain voice inside me, a constant presence, always advising against it. Like an unruly companion, the voice was always whispering doubts about myself that began to sabotage my happiness, for instance, telling me I did not deserve friends. I was forced to watch from the sidelines as a result, and yet, one particular day I noticed a girl I had not seen before. Her blonde hair gently brushed against her shoulders and her eyes darted across the room. She was attentive, just like me. Each day I would look forward to seeing her, and although the voice commanded me to not give in, the desire was too great. She had a radiant smile that always lit up the room, but her compassion stuck out to me the most. It was not long before we began to build a connection. It started off with lighthearted conversations then shared laughter, and after a while we were inseparable. I had never felt the way I felt when I was with her. She made everything make sense but most of all, when I was with her the voice in my head no longer existed. For the first time in years, I finally felt at peace, and it was all thanks to her.

As our friendship kept on flourishing, I noticed sharing certain things about myself that I normally would not tell anyone. It felt liberating. But like all nice things in life, it did not last long. Although I was happy, beneath the surface, the voice that I thought had left, started to call to me again. One second I would feel totally fine and the other, the voice would start to feed me lies about her. It told me how she hated me for who I was and that this was all front, a ploy. I hoped that my voice would leave and never come back but as time went on, the voice became overwhelming and took control of my life once again – but on a much larger scale. I lost all mental clarity and telling apart fake from real started to become very difficult. Each day the voice worsened. It got louder until I finally reached my breaking point.

In order for the voice to stop, I had to do something about the girl, and until she was out of everyone’s life for good, nothing could go back to the way it was – simpler.

It all happened in the woods. She laid upon the ground. her life slowly fading away from her eyes. With no emotion, I got up and left her there. I had not come to the realization that what I had done held such malice since the voice in my head kept telling me otherwise. It was always there to reassure me, to comfort me when I began to catch up to my senses. Soon I began to feel numb again, suppressing any and every feeling deep down inside, and with that my memory left too. I thought that I formed a new world for myself, a world where she never existed. A world that was carefully crafted to never allow such feelings to surface once more. But you can never escape from reality. Sooner or later the real word catches up to you and you are left stranded, compelled to accept the truthfulness of life. And finally my reality was here. I never thought that I would have to deal with these feelings and memories again, but here they were, staring right at me, and it was only until now I had realized the gravitation of my actions.

So now I sit here, weighed down by the enormity of my actions, with the guilt eating at whatever happiness I have left. The blood is on my hands and the memories will forever haunt me, and as a consequence I have to face this reality for the rest of my life.

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Citations:

https://scottoden.wordpress.com/2022/01/25/the-unbearable-weight-of-darkness/https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a26228055/fear-of-being-alone-autophobia/https://cjx.hinege.top/products.aspx?cname=spotlight+lighting+photography&cid=111&ll=wwwreprolabsindiacomhttps://hevria.com/rochel/train-voices-head/https://studyfinds.org/hearing-voices-brain-sounds/https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/reflecting-success-mirror-coaching-metaphor-ashish-rangarihttps://fineartamerica.com/featured/deep-in-the-dark-woods-theresa-tahara.html

The Negativity and the mask

kira895piffting Personal Response, Response to Life, Writing February 23, 2022blog, darkness, health, negativity, personal response, thesis statement 3 Comments

“When an individual is going through hardships they are often blinded by all the negative things that they have and only see the darkness and horrid things in front of them, like health issues both mental and physical -some people use some type of mask to hide the horrors to try and protect themselves”

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Everyone has to go through the struggles of darkness and hardships in their life, we often feel like our hurt would bother others so we put a mask on around others so they don’t see the struggles we’re going through. Typically people will act happy in front of others even when most of the time we have negative thoughts about situations we go through. This thesis statement is very representative of how human beings are always looking at the negative sides of things rather than finding the positive in everything. It shows that even if we do see the negative side we want to hide that fact by presenting as a positive person in front of others.

I always find myself constantly worried about if I have annoyed my friends in some way and end up distancing myself from them out of fear of hatred and hurt. I am a very loud person and feel like I can often make people feel uncomfortable with my big personality. Most of the time I never annoyed them and I was just blindsided by my negative thoughts.

Another thing most recently I have been struggling with is my physical health. I have struggled with anemia for 3 years. For those who don’t know, anemia is the medical term for a more severe iron deficiency. I however got told recently that i could die in 2-5 months because of how low my iron is. You need iron to replicate red blood cells which is what you need in order to breathe as the red blood cells carry oxygen around your body so if you don’t have enough you can die.

I Have been constantly worried about the fact I could die and have been watching everything I have eaten which reminds me of when I would count calories when I had an ED which made me think of many negative things instead of seeing positive things. I have used a mask and acted like everything is fine even if I have the heavy fear of death peeking over my shoulder and weighing on my back everyday. The good thing about my illness is that it is treatable and that it will help me to eat better and worry more about my physical health.

Seeing the Light

julianna743 20-1 B, Response to Literature, Writing November 27, 2021December 1, 202120-1B, allegory of the cave, darkness, enlightenment, hardship, light, negativity, optimism, pessimism, positivity, response to literature 5 Comments

There is a saying that illustrates an optimistic mindset of an individual who is suffering dreadful circumstances.

It is usually some variation of the following:

“There will always be light within the darkness.”

This quote would lead an optimistic individual to believe that no matter what circumstance an individual is in, it is only a matter of seeing the light to make it all seem more desirable. Many individuals, though, get blinded by all that is wrong in their situation, and therefore, are not able to see the light as clearly. As much as they would not like to, the positives in their situation become overshadowed by all of the negatives. The darkness of the situation creates a perception of the world, one that is filled with negativity and harmfulness. This happens even if the reality of the world in front of them is much more alive and vibrant. This impression can lead to the idea that when an unhappy individual’s life is overshadowed by darkness, then it will be difficult to influence their negative perception of the world into a positive one, but eventually, they will come to see the light and they will result in seeing what is positive in their life as well as conquering new experiences with newfound optimism.

An individual who is under detrimental circumstances will not be so easily accustomed to positivity, even if it may be closer to them than they may have anticipated. Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave” is a dialogue that tells the story of three men that are chained up inside of a cave. There is a fire burning behind them, and also a path in front of the fire. These men see the shadows of people walking down the path holding objects. This is what the men in the cave are accustomed to– shadows. They have seen no other form of objects, so in their perception, shadows are the real thing. There is a quote from Socrates inside of the allegory that reads: ” Anyone whose vision is perplexed and weak, will not be too ready to laugh, he will first ask whether that soul of man has come out of the brighter light and is unable to see because unaccustomed to the dark. or having turned darkness to the day is dazzled by the excess of light. ” In this quote, Socrates is saying that an individual who is confused will not turn to happiness but rather question certain factors of their own situation in terms of humanity. For instance, in the quote, he is saying how this individual will question how someone that has come out to see the light, will be bewildered because they are used to the darkness of their circumstances. He also says that an individual will find the turning of darkness into light fascinating because of the overabundance of light. In universal terms, one who is in a bewildered state in their life will remain pessimistic and negative at first but then will begin to question the idea of the light in the midst of the darkness. They will begin to become somewhat enchanted with the light after greater consideration, mainly because it is something they have not seen in a long time, or perhaps, ever. Once an individual becomes more accustomed to light in the midst of their darkness, they will begin to engage in its grandeur. When talking about light and darkness in an individual’s mind, a certain circumstance comes to mind for me. It is that of my aunt having postpartum depression after having her child.

“Anyone whose vision is perplexed and weak, will not be too ready to laugh, he will first ask whether that soul of man has come out of the brighter light and is unable to see because unaccustomed to the dark. or having turned darkness to the day is dazzled by the excess of light.”- Allegory of the Cave

In Plato’s “Allegory of the Cave”, three humans are chained inside of a cave, looking towards the wall, and only ever seeing shadows of objects, humans, and animals from the outside. The darkness of the cave created their own perceptions of the world, even if the reality of the world right outside of the cave is much brighter and alive. When my aunt had my little cousin, she had postpartum depression. This caused her to block away the experiences of all that is vibrant in her life, like her child she had just brought into the world, and her loving husband with whom she was raising the baby. To put it more metaphorically, she had descended into a cloud of darkness. This darkness that her mind put herself in, created an illusion where the bountiful world was right in front of her felt as if it was nothing. She was focused on the darkness, so she paid no mind to the positive influences in her life. After a while of struggling with this painful scene, she began to gradually realize and take in how beautiful the life she create is. Now, my aunt is “seeing the light” instead of the darkness that once surrounded her life. Her postpartum was not a switch that she could just turn on and off– it did take much strength to overcome the issue. But in the end, for her, it was all worth it. Because she found her light in the midst of the darkness.

When somebody is fast asleep, and when they wake up to bright light, it is often a dreadful surprise to them, as they were accustomed to the darkness of their eyelids. Even though the light is good for them to see where they are, or what they are doing, they consider it a threat as it was so sudden in the midst of their darkness. This metaphor can be used to explain the situation of someone who is suffering from harmful circumstances. They will see the light at the end, but it may take some time for the light to come to them. Also, once the light has arrived, it may also take a bit of time for them to get used to it being a positive source in their lives. In conclusion, an individual who is experiencing grief in their lives, will not be easily inclined to the bright side of their scenario, but once they are, they become much more enlightened and understand more about their life and more to come.

Image citations:

“The Allegory Of The Cave”. Blogs.Blackberry.Com, 2021, https://blogs.blackberry.com/en/2014/11/the-allegory-of-the-cave.

Depositphotos, Inc. “5,269 Seeing The Light Stock Photos, Seeing The Light Images | Depositphotos®”. Depositphotos, 2021, https://depositphotos.com/stock-photos/seeing-the-light.html.

Istockphoto.Com, 2021, https://www.istockphoto.com/illustrations/postpartum-depression.