#selfworth

I have chosen to use the short story Two Kinds by Amy Tan for my blog as I did not know we were not suppose to use the short stories before starting this blog. Here is a link to the short story for you to read:

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Individuals will construct their self-worth based on the approval and ideals of others, all while neglecting the truth of the situation and their abilities. By attempting to achieve the flawless vision of themselves created by those around them, the individual seeks the validity which comes with meeting the expectations of others. The short story Two Kinds by Amy Tan uses the character of Jing Mei Woo and her relationship with her mother to portray this idea. Jing Mei is the daughter of Chinese immigrants living in the United States and is growing up under her mother’s high expectations for Jing Mei to become a prodigy. Her mother places a constant, hammering flow of pressure on her daughter to become the best; with Jing Mei attempting, but failing, to meet the expectations set out for her. The following blog will illustrate how Amy Tan, in the short story Two Kinds, uses the characterization of Jing Mei Woo to demonstrate how the self-worth of an individual is often based on chasing the ideals placed on them by others.

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Individuals will experience the pursuit of idealism to attain the love and approval of those whom they view as important in their life. Fulfilling the ideals and expectations of those close to someone can result in feeling ‘worthy’ and appreciated by others, resulting in an increased sense of self-worth. As humans, we rely on the support and positivity of others to endure hardships and continue moving forward; in addition to driving individuals to feel as if they have purpose. For children, approval from those closest to them, their parents, is something sought after even more; all a child wishes to receive is love from their parents. Two Kinds demonstrates this child-to-mother dynamic through how Jing Mei and her mother interact with one another.

It is evident that the ideals of the mother are being adopted as what Jing Mei believes she should be pursuing. She is willing to pursue her mother’s vision of having a ‘prodigy daughter’ in the hopes of obtaining motherly approval. As individuals, validation from those around us is constantly sought after in order to develop one’s self-esteem. The belief that only by pursuing the ideals of others can an individual become desirable is concluded.

This is exhibited when Jing Mei states, “In all my imaginings I was filled with a sense that I would soon become perfect. My mother and father would adore me.” Here, Jing Mei exhibits her desire for parental approval; the love and admiration from her parents that any child would crave for. She believes that only upon becoming “perfect” in her parents’ eyes will she be able to experience their attachment to her. As such, she is driven to shape her dreams into becoming what her mother’s idealistic wants are; all based on the hope of acquiring her love and adoration. This parallels how individuals seek to achieve the idealistic vision of themselves created by those around them. The belief that by only meeting the wants of others can an individual be appreciated is developed and their self-worth is now entirely dependent on trying to meet that idealistic vision.

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As a result of individuals engaged in pursuing the idealistic visions of themselves created by someone else, pressure to achieve the vision is created. People feel that only by meeting the standards of others will they have worth to them, and subsequently, worth to themselves. This situation creates a sense of urgency to achieve the ideal vision while also developing a fear of failure or rejection. As seen in the short story, Jing Mei tries to achieve her mother’s various standards and goals for her with eagerness. She is focused on becoming a ‘genius’ in order to receive her mother’s love. However, with her sole focus on achieving parental love, pressure and a sense of urgency to attain success develops. As she puts it, “But sometimes the prodigy in me becomes impatient.” The combination of the urgency to become ‘ideal’ and the absence of immediate results further produces pressure to achieve the perfect vision soon. Individuals become pressured that if they do not achieve results soon, their prospects of being valued by others will disappear.

An example of this is the passage, “ ‘If you don’t hurry up and get me out of here, I’m disappearing for good,’ it warned. ‘And then you’ll always be nothing’.”  Here, Jing Mei is worried about her lack of progress in becoming a prodigy. Her fear of becoming an ‘ordinary’ person and a disappointment in her mother’s eyes is demonstrated. The fear of failure and being unloved begins to creep into the back of her mind and further adds to the pressure on Jing Mei. This demonstrates a feeling many individuals have experienced before, the dread of being left behind as the world moves forward. Individuals fear that if they do not appeal to the desires of others, to conform, they will not be accepted. As such, pressure is mounted on them to succeed in achieving the model version of themselves to satisfy others.

The piano piece that Jing Mei learns for her recital, Pleading Child, is a motif which symbolizes her struggle throughout the story. Similar to the title, Jing Mei is a child pleading for her mother’s love; pressured that the only way to obtain it is through achieving the vision her parents have for her.

Eventually, once the truth of the situation is realized, the idealistic world will come crumbling down. It is realized how the idealized version of an individual is, well, ideal. The surfacing of the truth and subsequent fallout can often result in conflicts which may harm the relationship. As her mother continues to test and drill Jing Mei on various topics only to be met with unsatisfactory results, the reality of the situation begins to surface. As Jing Mei witnesses her mother’s disgruntled reaction, she states, “And after seeing my mother’s disappointed face once again, something inside me began to die.” Witnessing the disappointment in her mother once again, Jing Mei starts to feel unfulfilled with herself. Her mother’s approval which she strived to gain is now no more than a distant dream.

However, upon reflecting on the course of events, Jing Mei comes to acknowledge how her own desires are critical and they should not be set aside for her mother’s vision. She changes her outlook on her approach to relationships, as she pivots from seeking the ideals of her mother to pursuing her own wants. As a result of this change, friction and conflict between them is generated.

Within the short story, this is displayed during Jing Mei and her mother’s heated argument after her disastrous piano recital.

“You want me to be someone I’m not…

Then I wish I’d never been born!

I wish I was dead. Like them”

– Jing Mei

Both Jing Mei and her mother attack each other personally during the argument which stemmed from their disagreement on continuing piano lessons. Jing Mei firmly expresses her desires for the first time in the story, stating how she no longer wishes to pursue the vision her mother has for her. She is changing the dynamics of the relationship in order to develop a space to nurture her own dreams and self-esteem. Drastic change within any relationship often results in at least one party, if not both, being hurt. However, it is needed for an individual to grow and be able to succeed in their life without having to rely on others for self-affirmation. Only when the truth of the situation surfaces will significant change occur and individuals learn to build their self-worth on new foundations.

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In order to gain approval from others to maintain their self-worth, individuals strive to achieve the ideals placed on them by others, all while neglecting the truth of their abilities. They do so in the hopes that becoming ‘ideal’ in the eyes of others will result in approval from them. As one pursues the idealized vision given to them, pressure builds within the individual to urgently prevail to avoid failure and losing the affirmation from others. However, upon the truth surfacing, validation from others is withdrawn and the dynamics of the relationship is negatively affected. Individuals will need to reflect and change in order to preserve their self-worth and life purpose.

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