In the novel, Unbecoming, by Jenny Downham, through reading this novel I have been exploring themes of self-discovery. This is shown through the character of Katie. Katie is trying to live her life as a teenager while also trying to become satisfied with her sexuality. Katie in the beginning of the novel expresses her sexuality by kissing Esme but later on is made fun of for her decisions and leads Esme and Katie to have a falling out. Through this blog I am going to talk about self-discovery through the character Katie and myself.
In Unbecoming, Katie is seen pushed by her mom to do her best and be the best, though this isn’t what Katie wants to become. Katie, like all the other kids her age, wants to be popular and just live her life. The only way she can really do so is when she takes care of her grandmother with dementia. Being confined by the walls of her mom she isn’t able to do a lot of things. In the novel, she wants to go to a party filled with boys and alcohol. There she is able to be a little bit more free, not being constricted to anyone or anything. She realizes more about herself; she realizes she just wants to prove to Esme that she isn’t weird. She can really express herself through proving Esme wrong as well as not being held back by her mother. For someone, they need to explore who they really are by being let go from the constricts of life. For some that may be their parents like Katie or a mental block they put on themselves so they aren’t able to realize their true self. Self-discovery for everyone doesn’t look the same but one thing is for sure they must have curiosity to fuel that flame. Katie and like many others are on a journey for self discovery and looking for their true self, and for them they don’t know the way to find it so they go on that endless journey, and the thing stopping them is just to trek a little longer.
During my 16 years of living I can’t say I have found the me I want to portray to the world. My journey through self discovery has just started and I can’t say I have found the way to work through those blocks ahead of me but the only way to do it is to start. A time in my life where I have been blocked was at a time where I had no idea what I wanted to become. So I turned to something I had known very well, the gym. It gave me a sense of community and a way to get rid of some things that are bothering me. It showed me that the more time and effort I put in the gym, it also showed me the amount of time and effort I should put in myself to become someone better. Through writing this I realized that I need to find my blocks ahead of me, so I can discover the bigger thing I could become. Though not a lot has happened in my life there are so many more adventures to come that will lead me to discover more things about myself that have not yet been revealed to me.
In life there are so many things that may hinder one from showing their true colours, one is a physical boundary and another is a mental boundary, those who are able to surpass those boundaries are one who can find more about themselves. In everyone’s life there is a journey for self discovery. Is there a journey you have gone through to find something new about yourself? What was the thing you found out about yourself?
Citations:
featured image – https://www.vecteezy.com/vector-art/5334348-self-discovery-finding-yourself-searching-for-self-value-success-dream-or-meaning-of-life-exploration-inner-or-inside-concept-happy-businessman-succeed-finding-valuable-diamond-inside-his-head
image one – https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25582543-unbecoming
image two – https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/self-discovery-workplace-finding-your-true-path-success-renada-bey
that now when he is approaching nearer to being and his eye is turned towards more real existence, he has a clearer vision.” Plato depicts someone gaining knowledge and having the realization that there is more to life then they had originally known and having a better understanding of something. Pleasantville has a similar theme of enlightenment. When Jennifer and David get transported into Pleasantville, everything is in black and white. As individuals begin to expand their knowledge with self-discovery, they begin to change colour and become enlightened. Just like The Allegory of the Cave, these individuals are seeing “the light.” Once you gain this 
knowledge it is really difficult to revert. This is depicted in the Allegory of the Cave when individuals cannot go back into the dark cave because they are so used to the light. This is also seen in Pleasantville when individuals who have changed colour began to like who they had become and were not willing to change back. This is seen with Mr Johnson and how once he found his love for his painting he was not willing to go back to his “old self.” He found the beauty in art and wanted to explore his love of it. He was even jealous of people who were able to see the beauties of colours on a daily basis.
“Up until now, everything around here has been, well, pleasant. Recently certain things have become unpleasant. Now, it seems to me that the first thing we have to do is to separate the things that are pleasant from the unpleasant things.” This is the Mayor reacting to all of the change. He is still in the cave and cannot communicate with the rest of the people and does not understand this new diversity of people. His viewpoint is still valid, however, he is not seeing the world through different perspectives. As individuals in Pleasantville began to change, they thought the colour change was because they 
were going to Lovers Lane. Jennifer, who went there more and more, began to realize that this was not the way to become enlightened as she already had this knowledge. “I did the slut thing, David. It got kind of old.” Jennifer states that she has found her new passion and enjoys reading books. They discovered that becoming enlightened is discovering oneself and comprehending new knowledge. Jennifer discovered her love for reading. Going to Lovers Lane did not change her like it did others because she did not gain a new understanding from that. She only gained knowledge of herself when she decided to stay in and study. Jennifer found her new passion and that is what allowed her to become coloured.
An example of this in the real world would be like going to school. When I was younger I was in a cave. I was unaware of how my surroundings worked. As I grew older I began to build this knowledge and every year of school I gained more and more understanding of how the world worked around me. I had begun finding my passion for painting, just like Mr Johnson, and my love for biology. As I look back at my past, it is difficult to remember a time before school. There has always been this stigma that individuals are “less” if they don’t go to school, however, I was never any less of a person before, or while in school. Just because I am “outside of the cave,” does not mean that this is the same path for everyone. This is just like how Jennifer changed colour through reading instead of going to Lover’s Lane.The caves and enlightenment can teach us many things, and in the case of Pleasantville can teach someone about their individuality. Going to school, in my case, taught me about finding out what I like to learn about, and being able to use this knowledge to allow me to know what to pursue in the future.
I have changed over the course of 4 years. Between Kindergarten and Grade 8, I attended school solely in Calagry Catholic School District; I was a part of many schools. It was all fine up until Grade 6, which slowly seeped into Grade 7. I started to become disconnected from my peers, as a result of people leaving me as friends or even close friends. I didn’t know what to think, whether it was me who was at fault for that or “wrong person, wrong time”. Either way, I was alone due to this. That next year, Grade 7, was really rough, some days much more than others, but I didn’t give in to all of the negative thoughts that were in my head. Yes, people thought that I was weird and they avoided me, but I remained positive that if things were different and I met the right people, I could make those friends that have you value every second that you are living. Fast forward a year to Grade 8 and I thought that it would get worse, this feeling of dread of not being valued, but I didn’t give up hope. Lo and behold, literally on a random Tuesday in September of 2020, I got transferred to FFCA and I met the friends who I dreamed of having back in Grade 7. It was in those moments that I thanked myself for holding on, regardless of how hard it was at certain times. In a way, I have transcended my former self and have become a new version of myself, one who has the capabilities to stay strong, and who has people alongside her who make each day a little brighter. Now, all that I have to say is that the timing at which I got transferred was impeccable, and I couldn’t be more grateful than I am for that fact.