Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.” —Unknown
Pleasantville, directed by Gary Ross, is a film that explores the conflict between living true to one’s self or choosing to obediently conform with the rest of society. One character who especially experiences this conflict is Bud’s mother, Betty Parker. When Better Parker reveals the color on her face to Bud, she expresses her fear and worries about being unable to appear the same way as the rest of society does. Bud comforts his mother from this thought by helping her apply makeup to her face to hide her true colors—to appear “normal” to society. It was only after her encounter with Bill Johnson, a man who works with Bud at the Soda shop, that she learned to accept her newfound sense of “self”. In proof of this, Betty refuses to hide her face away with makeup, refuses to conform with the ideal image society wants, and instead, openly exposes her true face to the world.
In my younger years, I struggled to accept myself for who I am. I never allowed myself to truthfully open up to people about my interests, opinions, hobbies, or anything regarding my personal life, in front of my classmates. Rather than opening up, I observed the way others my age would behave, how they reacted to certain topics, what things they despised, and what things they loved. Through these observations, I created a version of myself that would satisfy all of my peers and blend in with the rest. Call it being fake—but this was my way of protecting myself from getting hurt by the judgment and the criticism of others.
Living this way was severely exhausting, as one could imagine. For five whole days and seven hours straight, I would switch my personality to be liked by classmates and teachers. It would be a constant rinse and repeat for the next 12 months, maybe even further, in years. Breaking this cycle was difficult as it had become something I do naturally. However, when this cycle finally broke, I had already surrounded myself with wonderful friends that taught me that being true to myself isn’t as scary, or painful, as I had initially thought.
But now that I live life in truth to myself, I am more susceptible to being judged, criticized, and hurt by other people. It’s an inevitable truth that I had tried so hard to avoid as a young girl. However, similar to Betty and her close bond with Mr. Johnson, I learned that I can lean on trusted friends when I feel hurt, lost, or afraid, from conflicting interactions between my desire to conform and my desire to stay true to who I am.
It’s difficult to choose which side to live by. If you choose to live a life that obeys the ideal, you can interact with others freely; no need to worry if you’ll fit in, no need to worry if you’ll be alone, and no need to worry about being judged. Living life by the ideal gives so many benefits, in sacrifice for being unique, and living truly. In contrast, living a life where you feel true to yourself, comes at the price of potential judgment, pain, and loneliness. As you live uniquely, it will be much more difficult to find people who can relate with you and are willing to continue to interact with you. If I were to say something minor and harmless as an example, like: “I prefer cats over dogs”, people’s viewpoint toward me would change. There’s no doubt about that. Some people may have a strong preference for something, and will now avoid me after learning our preferences are significantly different. I may even be considered odd in their eyes, now. And this is especially true as, in our modern society, we have social media to circulate and spread world trends. But at least, by living as someone “real”, I can feel a sense of happiness, just by being true.
Taking into consideration both sides, I believe living a life of truth is far greater than living a life of conformity. By living a true life, you will at least feel liberated, just as Betty Parker feels when she accepts her true self.
Cites:
- https://www.pinterest.ca/pin/57069120252187106/
- https://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/pleasantville-1998